Things I Hate, #5

Fiesta is over, but my experience during the five days of fiasco in the downtown area has led me to an ongoing grudge with a group of people I truly despise: The Space Savers.

Let me be clear; I didn't even attend any of the big events of the week like the Mariachis, the kid's parade,or the horses. I never planned to go to the thing at the Mission where the kids get all dressed up and dance around. But that fact does not detract from the loathsome feeling I get when I see all the chairs and blankets laid out on State St. 17 hours before a parade is even going to begin.

Who do these people think they are? You're not supposed to be able to claim space without actually hanging around to defend it. These people think that because they got up early to go lay out their possessions in a choice viewing area, then went home back to bed, that the fact that their beach chair is right at the corner of Ortega and State that they own that piece of the right of way for the next half day? Screw that. The moniker "Sooners" is one that stuck with Oklahomans but it was always a derogatory one. The Sooners were the people who cheated, who left early, in the big claim race. Maybe they never saw the oft-maligned Cruise/Kidman pic Far & Away. I always liked the movie, even if it's a little slow.

So what is an angry hater of the self-entitled to do with such a garish scene of what looks like abandoned beach chairs and dirty blankets? Sabotage of course. I would never stoop so far as to damage another person's property; that would be pretty low. But walking up State St. on Friday morning at 8 A.M. it occurred to me that a small experiment in social anarchy might serve, even if I wouldn't be around to witness the product of it.

The first thing I did was grab a couple of chairs in the 600 block and run them up to the 700 block. I dropped those randomly, and grabbed two more chairs, walking them across the street. I dropped those two chairs and grabbed a chair and a blanket and put those in the space that I had vacated with the previous two chairs. I walked one block up and smiled at the people already out on the street at 8 A.M. selling cascadores and said "watch this!" before I pulled the same across the street switch on some currently owner-less folding chairs. My final act of treachery was complete when I took two chairs from in front of a Starbucks and actually walked them half a block down a side street and dropped them as if they were staring at the front door of the Press Room waiting for them to open.

Am I a bad guy for doing these things? Maybe. Did it make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside? Absolutely. I was grinning all morning. The good guy got in a counterpunch last Friday, so hooray for us.